Diabetes burnout. Itâ€™s a real thing and all T1 diabetics go through it at times. Having T1 diabetes is like having a baby except this baby never grows up and becomes more independent, my â€œbabyâ€ requires 24/7 care for the rest of my life. There are no days off, no breaks, no one to hand the responsibility to for a little while. The occasional nights of interrupted sleep will never end. The weight of the responsibility feels really heavy at times. So as diabetics, we go through burn out.
Iâ€™ve been experiencing some burn out this week. There have been times my CGM has gone off that Iâ€™m high or low and Iâ€™ve ignored the alarms because I just donâ€™t feel like dealing with it. Then I feel guilty that Iâ€™ve let myself run high for a while when if Iâ€™d just stopped and taken care of it, I wouldnâ€™t feel so horrible. Or I went really low because despite the warning, I just didnâ€™t feel like eating. It really doesnâ€™t take long (maybe a minute or two) to take care of these issues but Iâ€™m just so tired of always having to take care of it that I chose to ignore it instead. And yesterday I just couldnâ€™t time my insulin right no matter how hard I tried, so I gave up and let my BG do what it wanted.
Diabetes burnout can vary in length and intensity. Sometimes it lasts a couple of days, sometimes a couple of weeks, sometimes a couple of months. It can be mild annoyance and resentment at having to take care of BG, sometimes it can lead to a complete state of denial of being diabetic and doing nothing to manage it. Sometimes it can lead to complications, it always leads to guilt knowing Iâ€™m not doing my best.
Grace. Itâ€™s the most important thing to remember during burnout. Does that mean that I should let myself make bad choices and just let myself off the hook? No. But it does mean that I remember I am human and Iâ€™m not perfect and sometimes doing my best is to let a few things slide because itâ€™s just too much today. I should always be working to do my best but sometimes I need to give myself a little break from trying to be perfect. And maybe take a long hot bath!
As with every burnout Iâ€™ve been through before, I will just keep pushing through. I will reach out to my diabetic community for support. Even when I donâ€™t feel like dealing with the constant demands, I will do my best not to ignore them too long. As I keep pushing through, I will make it through this burnout just like I have every one before. I will not give up or give in to this disease. With Godâ€™s help and strength, I will keep on keeping on!